Musings

I stumbled upon this song in my multiply site, and it struck me.

beauty-in-walking-away-marie-digby

This is what I should do right now right here

There is beauty in walking away .

light shines off in the distance
a pal flickering glow
how many times do i have to dream
i could be there 

times here, she wont be waiting
for me to find the easy way out
i've lost counter the days that were wasted 

there's an answer in the sound of the train
there is wisdom passed the bridge on the bay
there's a lifetime through the fog and the rain
there's a beauty in walking away 

ill float on the streets that are empty
take the path that wind only knows
tonight is the last time that ill ever be here
be here 

there's an answer in the sound of the train
there is wisdom passed the bridge on the bay
there's a lifetime through the fog and the rain
there's a beauty in walking away 

its never quite simple
its never that safe
it never seems perfect untill its too late
its never the right time to find a new way yeah yeah 

there's an answer in the sound of the train
there is wisdom passed the bridge on the bay
theres a lifetime through the fog and the rain
theres a beauty 

there's an answer in the sound of the train
there is wisdom passed the bridge on the bay
theres a lifetime through the fog and the rain
theres a beauty in walking away

Hairspray is based upon the film written and directed by John WAters with a book by Mark O Donnell and Thomas Meehan. It is set in the 1960s, with Baltimore as it’s center stage. Now, for those of you who watched the movie version with the very dark haired Zac Efron, this Philippine rendition doesn’t even come close to that.
Hmm, where do I start? The opening act was downright disappointing.  Madel Ching’s rendition of Good Morning Baltimore, so sad to say , lacked that certain … how should I say this?.. umf. It was lackluster and failed to sustain my fleeting attention. 
Tim Espinosa, played Link Larkin, was also terribly plain on stage. He got lost amongst the rest of the performers, and you would never really think of him as the lead in this show.  What I don’t understand is why he kept smiling despite the fact that he should be conveying feelings of being debonair and suave. What came across was someone who was goofy and  unsure of himself.
The leads lacked chemistry and their affair appeared so forced that is was palpable through out most of the show.  There was never really that connection between the two. The same goes for Penny and Seaweed, played by Monica Reynoso and Nyoy Volante.
Penny being raised by a strict and sometimes even , sanctimonious mother, should have been,  reserved in her actions and demeanor. This Penny was having spasms and flutterings all over the place, I fear she would go into a grand mal seizure anytime. Nyoy Volante, has a great voice, but failed to gel with Monica, in the same way Link and Tracy.
Then there is Dulce, for the love of me, I love her voice. It probably was one of the more redeeming parts of this show, however, what  confused me , is that she is supposed to be playing an African American woman, who is strong and courageous and ready to stand up for what she believes in; yet in her rendition, her character came across as whiny, weak, and utterly incomprehensible at times. Also, please for the love of the arts, can someone tell me why y she keeps on RHYMING the whole time!
Then there is Michael De Mesa, sigh. Yes, you are not John Travolta, never expected you to be, but man, what was that?  HE too failed to stand out despite the fact that he apparently gained 100 lbs for this role. His solo performance which should have urged one to stand up  from their seats and  get a bit crazy dancing was putting me to sleep.
Menchu , you never fail dear. You are the only redeeming star of this show, and  may I say you outdid Michelle Pfeiffer’s rendition of Ms Baltimore Crabs. That was sweet!
This blog is too whiny already, my advice, don’t watch the show.  Rent or buy the DVD instead, it’ll be more worth it. 
And note to self, stay away from Star Theater when watching plays. It is apparently customary for people to come in late … as in super late and the management to allow them all to come in, in hordes blocking the view. Oh, and the acoustics? 80% of the time, you wonder if the characters are shouting or are eating their words, either that or they simply inarticulate.
Lastly, the ending! terribly different from the movie, though this may be in line with the original play I have no idea. To put it mildly, it was FILIPINIZED. Sheesh.

(On one of the rare moments I shared something other than my lectures to my students.. I posted this )   

One of the things I’ve learned is to LOOK. 

LOOK AHEAD… Have an unending hunger.
Hunger for things that last, eternal even. Thinking of the
repercussions of your decisions today will help you choose the best
options.   

 Look beside you.. to those who walk with you and for you. Extend a hand, get involved, and listen.   

 Look back… to where you came from. No matter where you are and how far you’ve gone, honor those that helped you get there.  

 Never look down… upon people whether they are better or slower, mediocre or not, rich or poor. Avoid labels. The moment you do, you cheat yourself out of a whole lot of perspective, ideas, and maybe even relationships.   

 And lastly LOOK UP… pray. There
is someone greater, higher, and far knowledgeable than we are. Despite
how highly we think of ourselves and how good we are in the eyes of
others. He alone knows your coming in and going out and actually has
your life in mind all the time. Consult with Him daily even on things
that seem insignificant, because what matters to you, matters to Him.       

 Have fun. Though we get caught up in the busyness of life and its fast pace, take time to stop, be still and just breathe, and refocus.  

Thingis, once you start doing what you really are passionate about work
stops being work and you end up not making a living but really living.  And once you stop relying on yourself, learn to let go of your own life, and let God have full control, it is so much better.

  When you do what you are meant to do in this life, you actually shine at it
without so much effort. Soon enough you find yourself being given
opportunities you never even imagined you’ll get.

“The Lord showers rain both to the  good
and the evil… ” and roll in thunder.  Pastor Joey, takes the cue by saying, ” see am being prophetic”.
So here am I getting my face licked by the cold rainwater and the wind, as I stare out the window. My mind wanders to the days of my childhood, when rains, instead of
bringing traffic jams and floods, would bring me school less days, and whole mornings stretched out in my pajamas under the covers with a good book , a bowl of cereal,and the electric fan blasting on to add to the chill factor,yes I know it’s weird, but hey, am sure am not the only one who did this. To afternoons spent running around in front of our house and getting soaked, throwing stones at pools of water and being thoroughly amused at the site of ripples it made.  Have you ever had those? And when the rain stops, your heart just goes pitter patter for fear that the following day, you would be in school YET AGAIN. Those
were the days when global warming wasn’t an issue, the oil prices didn’t matter, and the peso dollar exchange rate sounded Greek. Wouldn’t we all love to get stuck in such a moment? But alas,  we all have to grow up, and see the big picture called life. Or maybe… just maybe….it’s actually the other way around, we have to grow up to see, what life could be like, so once in a while we go back to such days. When the only things that matter, are the basics. … hmmm, where is my cereal?

Third week of my academic career is finished. The next week will be heralded by my giving my kids their first long exam.
Who knew preparing an exam was this difficult?! I used to hate taking
them  and always thought they were never a gauge really of anything I
know, just a gauge of how much of the stuff I read or did not get to
(mind you sa Med to). Now being on the other side, I actually see that
this exam will be in a way my osmometer. A device to determine if any
of the information I’ve been yakking about actually ended up in their
noodles.Osmometer, a new word added to my dictionary, i s a device for determining the concentration of dissolved salts or sugars in blood or urine samples. Osmometry is also useful in determining the molecular weight
of unknown compounds and polymers. Taking this illustration into
consideration, am silently praying and hoping, my kid’s semi permeable
brains, shortened attention spans and heightened sense for stimuli
other than studying, mixed with their genetic make up would actually
tell me am doing my job. That is, giving them enough information and
making sure that my hours of  wasting my golden voice was worth it, not
just for me but most importantly for them. I pray for them a lot,
before and after each lecture. Pray to the High Heavens, that they get
enough sense to listen  to appreciate and to actually ask questions. To
think critically not just be sponges absorbing everything without
thought.  The highlight of each lecture is when I see a number of hands
actually asking me questions regarding my topic. because only then am I
able to see if the feigned look of interest is that all it’s cooped up
to be or not. So far, I’ve had a number of hands raised, with some even
shouting questions before I acknowledge their existence. AM happy. I
continue to pray though that my kids would do well on their exam…

Recent events in this thing  I call my life has pushed me to move out
of my comfort zone and into another realm that  I thought seemed
familiar.
Sigh, another hurdle, another chapter.
I shed my
white coat for the chalk and board. Yes, I finally had the opportunity
to actually see if my long term plans of belonging to the academe would
be worth pursuing. So I came to the university I never had any idea
about, the colors of which that have long remained a mystery to me.
June
11 came and classes started. Heart pounding, I met my class for the
first time. A sea of  some eager to learn, a few pretending to listen,
a number of  blank, and a meager hard to please faces, assaulted me.
Immediately, my sixth sense, pointed out the would be characters for
the whole semester and those that would be worth converting to the
Sciences. My ultimate plan for world domination. harhar.
In the
midst of it all, I tried to calm myself and constantly be aware that
these are kids by my standards. All those years of residency, would
only enlighten as to how to be able to understand them since they are
all in their late adolescent stage.
Like
a blink the days went by,  the daily butterflies that visited my
stomach, settled down and the initial dead weight I was bearing
digressed.  I had to learn the names of 40  people over a weekend so as
to put across a point during lectures. I still have to learn the name
of anotehr 40 for my other class. My lectures were touch and go on some
days. Science flowed into my veins. Concepts I have long been familiar
with and appeared to be simplistic to me,  to them were far out and
complex. The challenge then was to simplify but not to the point of
insulting their intelligence.
I could see it in their eyes,
sometimes, it seemed to me that these were a bunch of autistic children
I had to deal with, and a lone ADHD patient incapable of keeping his
mouth shut while I was going on and on about the cell.
But enlightenment , once it hits them, and that a- ha moment always makes the hours of preparation all worth it.
I
had to reinvent myself in ways I never thought I’d be capable of. I had
to learn to tap into my right hemisphere, to make use of the vast
information and tools available to make my lectures simple and fun. I
had to learn to be friendly with www and http. My vocabulary expanded
to include such terms as upload, url, and ygroups. Am not jurassic but
I simply do not belong to those with enough know how on this techie
world. And here I am chronicling my first few weeks as a
teacher/professor/instructor. I have been bribed to avoid a quiz, and
been complimented on my looks to get a higher grade.I have even been
offered a free chauffeured service just so there will no long exams or
that I could accept incorrectly spelled words during a quiz (I know , I
know, I should have taken it , what with the gas prices and all?)
I have been inspired by some who brazenly admit they will shift to Bio Major (yeah right, who are they kidding)
and had developed this knack to partly listen to some hating the fact
they are taking up my subject even though they are not majoring in it.
This is just the third week of my academic life… on the other side. I
wonder what’s up next?

Today, I woke up with the realization. I AM FREE!!!

The journey to where I am right now was fraught with
days and nights alternating, with me, being left in a daze. I fell asleep most
of the time, much to the horror of my friends who were panicking with me and
for me. My only contact with the outside world consisted of text messages  that were monosyllabic and  had numerous interpret – it-the- way –you
want-to –emoticons (an interesting phenomenon in communication I would like to
explore here on o these days).

  I
subsisted on a whole bag of coffee (many thanks to the fine makers of
Starbucks), lots of chocolates, and old reliable esomeprazole.

So now, I
have an ulcer that waxes and wanes, have had too much sleep unintentionally, unemployed,
penniless, and a bedroom where in bats would ecstatically habituate.

Am I happy? Was it worth it? A whole month of being
cooped up in my bat cave, waking up with and next to my flavor of the month,
Nelson! (Textbook of Pediatrics), my
very own concentration camp? Gaining consciousness in the weirdest contortions,
with a crick in my neck, surrounded by papers, books strewn, pens leaking, and
highlighters practically seeping into my shirt (good mental pic)? Ok ok am
getting a wee bit too melodramatic here. Ask me again was it worth it?

Heck YES. (…….and insert emoticon here)

I passed the freaking diplomate boards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now my month long hiatus, and roller coaster ride of
emotions, ranging from complete silence bordering on autism to outright rage………
halts!

News hit me and I felt like doing a Julie Andrews
right in the middle of my bedroom!

I have learned a lot, which believe me is always
good, but the thing is I discovered more about myself in the process. I had to
let go of the sense of control I was kidding myself with, be a little bit more
patient (yes , yes am working on it) and lean on a Higher Being. To rest in the fact that this is just one hurdle
and not the determinant of my entire life. I saw the endless possibilities, after cowering at the sight of
uncertainties and doused the fires of doubt and the fear of failure with
comfort from people I love.

The tremendous faith of friends, colleagues, and my
consultants fueled the insatiable desire to be done with it. I appreciated the
presence of family, and friends who stood with me, putting up with my roller
coaster of affects and emotions.

Would I do it again?

Heck………NO (am not that cuckoo yet)

But then again, that’s the beauty of life, you may
dream, plan and set your sights, but nothing is absolute. The only thing that is
constant is change.

Who knows in a few years, I may just lose it and do
this all over again.

Haha.

Many thanks to my dearest dearest friends for
everything, I will no longer enumerate. You were my crutch.